moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
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