Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Randomize
