he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
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