dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
