fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
