He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
