i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
