I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
