Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
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