God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
She bit a glass in half.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
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