you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Randomize
