Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Drunk is a universal language darling
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