i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
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