dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Randomize
