the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Randomize
