Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Randomize
