Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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