just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
