420 ftw
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
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