he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
