this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
