I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
