im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
