and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
