I think I just saw someone hide a body.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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