So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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