What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
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