You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
