You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
Life is so much better after having sex.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
