my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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