My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
