I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
