i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
