hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
You brought string cheese to the strip club
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Randomize
