She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
