Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
