I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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