I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
