Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
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