You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
