Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
