Pants 0. Shit 1.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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