chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
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