Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
