I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
splinters make it hard to masturbate
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
