He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize
