I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
wakey wakey hands off snakey
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
