Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
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