He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
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