If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
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